Only connect. ~ E.M. Forster
I live for
connection. Not the email/facebook/twitter/cellphone/texting kind of connection
but eye contact, non-verbal connection, a sense of honoring and feeling honored
by another human being. Wordless, deep, true.
When my
granddaughter was 3 weeks old, her parents left her in my care so they
could
have a rare half-hour alone over lunch. I sat on the sofa and lay her
on my lap
on her back, her head at my knees, so I could talk to her, and as soon
as we
looked into each others' eyes, we knew each
other. There she was, brand new to the world, and we had barely met,
but all the knowledge of each other we needed was in that look.
I have had the rare good fortune to make such an
instant connection with only a few other people in my life - grown-up people -
and I'm wondering tonight why we don't do that more often. Why don't adults
make real eye contact with people all the time?
I know why. We're
scared. What might someone see in our eyes if we didn't shutter those windows?
What if someone saw into the real us? Sometimes I think about how much energy I
expend trying to feel safe - and I should know better. One of my favorite books
is Pema Chodron's Comfortable with Uncertainty, and I've read it many times.
After years of reading the Buddhists and throwing coins for the I Ching and
really getting the concept of Tao, I still sometimes find myself desperately
grasping for something to hold onto, when deep in my heart I think there is
nothing more likely to prevent human connection than trying to find safety.
We
think it's
smart to be cautions when in fact we are the three no-evil monkeys,
unable to
speak what is true, listen with heart, see another as an extension of
self. And that is not living. I know that the biggest risk I can take
in
my life is to actively seek connection with other human beings, to
build
intimacy, to allow myself to be seen. I'm starting to really see other
people,
and when I do, I'll be damned if I don't see beauty - physical beauty
where I
hadn't seen it before because I hadn't bothered to look. In that look,
if our eyes are open to see beyond the surface and we are willing to be
thrilled, we can see our own naked vulnerable selves facing the
unknown.
What would happen
if we were to strip away our protective facade, go out into the world with our
soul showing? Would we be swallowed up in terror? Or would we soar? Only one
way to find out.