Books I'm Reading Now

  • Ursula K. LeGuin: No Time to Spare
  • Matthew Walker: Why We Sleep
  • Naomi Alderman: The Power
  • Ursula LeGuin: A Wizard of Earthsea

Books I've read in 2018

  • Ursula K. LeGuin: The Left Hand of Darkness
  • NoViolet Bulawayo: We Need New Names
  • Arnaldur Indridason: Jar City
  • Margery Allingham: The Coroner's Pidgin
  • Will Schwalbe: Books for Living
  • Sylvia Townsend Warner: Lolly Willowes
  • Jeanette Winterson: Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit

« A Letter (237/365) | Main | Always, with Love (239/365) »

08/26/2014

Comments

My V -

When I use my brain and think, I have thoughts of string theory, quantum physics, and philosophy. I choose my body and feel present, loved and loving, open to wonder and the joy of breathing in a life of calm.

Yours,

Hug

Dear v,
This weekend the "land sisters" had a Leo party (you could have been part of it!) We were dancing to someone's programmed music when a rap beat came on. This summer when I was a camp counselor, one of the classes was break dancing. I learned a few things, although the spins on the floor were a bit much for me. As the music went on I got into it and ran off the porch and flew into the air. Now, in my mind my body was going to do exactly what I wanted it to do....jump then land (gracefully), then jump up with hands in the air. Ha! I landed, then my knees would not straighten, then I fell forward and then everyone gasped. I was more shocked that my knees did not do what I expected then I was embarrassed by my tilt into the dirt. My friends and I were laughing about it later - laughing hard. I find that these little moments of disorientation create lots of moments of hilarity for us.

When I was 24 yrs. old I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I went into remission and now,all these years later, I am beginning to feel it rear its insidious head. I'm fearful of not being able to "do." Friends and family have a view of me as independent, capable, handy, creative, the go to gal. Opps, sorry, but I just can't do it all anymore. Who will I be when it all stops?

You have been working through so much around your mobility. It seems your world is more centered around your mind. In some respects I envy your ability to see your world in those layers, complexity, depth and breadth without having to prove your physical prowess. It seems it all comes down to identity. Will I be able to identify with a different me that cannot pick up a hammer or saw to build a gate to my garden? To sew a costume for my great grandson? To saw down those damned fir trees that want to take over the forest? To work in my garden? What will I do then? Yes, I'm scared and often I slide into denial about my aches and pains - hence the leap off the porch.

Jeanne and I laugh a lot about our shared memory lapses. Is humor the way we come into grace around our ageing selves? I like your concept of grace as a password/mantra? Maybe humor helps us get to that place of grace.

Love you muchly,
rs

P.S. You are a Leo. You are supposed to be front and center, so writing a blog is perfect! Writing letters on the other hand, are about reaching out. You know I've never minded seeing your handwriting in my mailbox.

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